tonka truck


Holding one of the highest populations on planet Earth, Brooklyn is home to a very diverse group of people. Everything from Hispanics, to Blacks, to Italians, to Polish, to whatever resides here. The income brackets vary so much here that it makes Brooklyn the perfect city to turn a hustler into a millionaire without leaving the block.
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Ronnie Faust
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tonka truck

Post by Ronnie Faust » October 11th, 2017, 5:06 pm

A black Phantom barreled through the NYC streets. "That little cock sucker fucking shot me!" Gerry shouted, cradling his left collarbone with the opposite hand. "I can't fuckin' believe it!" The Germ leaned forward, pressing down the car's built in cigarette lighter. Most vehicles didn't have one anymore but Ronnie has specially requested it to be put in before leasing it.

Todd, trying to keep his eyes on the road shouted. "Calm down man! We're almost at the Hide Away, Ron will know what to do." He was more freaked out than Gerry. Sure the two had killed many people in the name of the Fausts but not often did they get attacked themselves.

Gerry rolled his eyes. "Idiot, we can't go back yet." He inhaled pain. "Boss needs us to run one last errand for him. Gotta pay a visit to that-" Another sharp inhale. "To that Sydney guy. The manager at the truck depot. Just pull down the street over here, were close anyway." A click let him know the lighter was hot and when he bent over to grab it he could see the burning red of the coil. Without a word he pressed it to his bullet wound. An audible sizzling was heard as the room filled with the smell of burning flesh and the hole was sealed.

"What's the four one one on the guy anyway? Boss give us anything?"

Gerry shook his head, slumping back in his seat. "Not really. Wife left him and a kid to run off with some dude from the upper east side. Likes to have a drink on Tuesday's and goes grocery shopping fridays. Just an average civ, should be easy."

It was a few minutes before they reached the depot managers house but Todd could still tell his partner wasn't up for it. "Let me handle this one, yeah?" A nod and Sweeney was out by himself. As he approached the house he patted his side the feeling of the glock giving him some confidence. It was a nice enough little place. A newly redone wooden porch lead to a limestone townhouse. Todd adjusted his jacket at the door.

Knock knock No answer. Knock,-

The door swung open. A man clad in only a white undershirt and blue briefs stood where it once was. He was built like a brick shit-house, his big flabby arms fixing his greasy pony tail as he greeted Todd. "What da hell do you want? It's two in the morning, you know what freakin' time it? My daughter is trying to get some damn sleep for school tomorah." The smell of cheap beer stained his breath.

The man stared through straight past the prada spectacles to Todd's soul. An awkward pause filled the street as he searched for something to say. "Sydney? My name is Todd Sweeney, I'm here on behalf of Mr. Faust." Saying it out loud reminded him who he was, what he had come here to do. "My employer would really-"

"Listen pal, tell your boss he can fuck off. I already told the udda lawyer I aint interested."

The brief wearing gentleman took a step back to close the door, Todd took a step in. "See, Mr. Faust would be really upset if I told him that." Calm and quick Todd went for his weapon, slipping it out of coat as he passed the threshold. "Usually my friend" He motioned behind him to the car. "Would be breaking all your bones right now. But since he's under the weather it's just you and me." A soft thumb cocked back the hammer. "Your a divorcee trying to raise a kid all on your own. Take the money, put it toward your kids college fund." Todd raised the gun, pushing it into the depot manager's heart.

"YaArgH!!" The drunken trucker let out a scream and grabbed a hold of Todd. His eyes went wide as he lifted up poor Sweeney and tossed him on his back outside. Sydney kept up his offensive quickly rushing over and standing above his ragdoll. "Don't you ever come here again!" He lowered himself and began administrating punch after punch to Todd's body.

It felt like bones were about to break, Todd had to do something. He rocketed his bony knee up as fast as he could, bashing his assailant in the testicles and sending him toppling to the side. He scurried up, not forgetting the gun that had been knocked to the ground as he did. "Cocksucker!" He yelled, bending down and smashing the but of his glock onto the managers face. Blood began pouring out of his nose and Sydneys nose as he rolled on the ground trying to recoup.

With a foot Todd turned the man over to face up. "Alright Syd, we had our fun now I gotta be going." He reached into his pocket, pulling out a fat wad of cash. "When Mr. Faust calls you about those schedules tomorrow you better tell him what he needs to know." After counting a couple hundred bills Todd made it rain. "That's all yours buddy, don't spend it all in one place." He spit down on the truckers gut before descending the porch and heading back in the car.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Gerry asked instantly after Todd got back in.

"Guy rushed me, had to mess him up a bit." Todd didn't get to say cool stuff a lot when he did he really tried to lay it on. "Yea, he ran at me just had to show him the business."

Gerhold rolled his eyes and opened the passenger side door. Quickly slipping his pistol out of its holster with his good arm, he began wildly shooting at the house they were parked outside of.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" Screamed Todd, turning the car and pulling out so fast his partner was almost sent flying.

"You cant just hit him one or two times buddy." Gerhold said, making sure his door was securely shut. "You gotta really put a scare into them. Make sure they know if they don't listen youre gonna come back and kill 'em."

"So just shooting all crazy at his house, that's what that was?" Todd shook his head, he was partnered with a mad man.

"Yup." A blank expression.

The two rode back to the Hide Away in pure silence, ready to give out their report on the nights happenings.


Gerhold to have cauterized his wound.

Freight Transport Manager at Fuego Freights - Sydney as an NPC. He works with the schedules and oversees what's going in/out of the companies trucks. Had my PI look into him here.

1000 dollars to Sydney to help him 'get over' being roughed up and having a gun pulled on him. Will donate this to grader.

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Re: tonka truck

Post by Abysswalker » October 11th, 2017, 7:07 pm

The requests are Approved.

Overall there were parts of this piece that made me hesitant to grant you Sydney as an NPC, most notably you do little explain his reasoning for agreeing to work for you outside of you beating him, paying him off in a humiliating way, and then shooting up the house where his daughter (which he cares for as a single father) is sleeping. There were things you could have added, little pieces of the story to make it much more clear what Sydney's motivations were, why he will decide to submit to your will, etc. As well you could have added small details like saying:

'Gerhold rolled his eyes and opened the passenger side door. Quickly slipping his pistol out of its holster with his good arm, he began wildly shooting across the entire bottom half of the house they'd parked outside of.'

A small detail like this might make it less likely to have a stray hit and injure or even kill Sydney's daughter if say the house was a two-story building. So just for future reference, it can save you a massive headache in the future when you add in small, and seemingly insignificant details like that which change the entire context of what you're saying. Especially when it comes to PC interactions.

Also as just a final thing cauterizing with a cigarette lighter doesn't mean the wound won't get infected, but I'll leave that out of my grading.

With all of that said I did like what you did with the piece, I thought your interactions between Todd and Gerry were understandable, and the part where Gerry shoots up the house, while I may not have agreed with the exact way it was written, really did add a lot to the piece. I look forward to seeing what you get up to next!


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